Ambiguity - A Josh tale

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm writing to you now with the fullest intentions of providing those who seek to understand me...the resources to do so. I'd say I'm simplistic, but i've been told otherwise. Rather than argue I figured I'd sit down and open up. Hopefully you're prepared to learn the things you may not have known about me. I imagine this could be one part of many to follow.

As most of you know, my heart belongs to movies. They consume a fair share of my life, including my current and future occupation. So let's start by using movies to describe me. Think Trilogy. The first chapter of a trilogy is usually the character establishment and background story. For your reading pleasure I'll divide the categories up.

Childhood

"At approximately 8:15am, February 12th 1985 a 8lbs 1 1/2 oz Joshua W. W. Hillier was born. Raised by his mother Elaine, he grew up away from the city in a small country town known as Bobcaygeon. He began his schooling and progressed up to the 3rd grade, at which time he and his mother moved to British Columbia. Staying in the West Coast province for just over two years, we headed back East due to a death in the family, my Grandfather. Arthur Parker died of a sudden brain hemorrhage. Afterwards my mother and I headed back to the small town I had been so familiar with only to find that so much had changed. No matter what though I always had my dog Flash by my side...keeping me company and entertained."

Teenage life

"Completing my elementary schooling in the summer of 1999, I began the next step of education in a town nearby, Fenelon Falls. Between my five years attending this highschool, i moved back and forth between the towns of Bobcaygeon and Fenelon. It was there were I discovered my love for media... specifically movies. I worked at a bowling alley, and hung out with my childhood friends, TJ, and George.

After graduating, I moved out of my house and in with my Mother's sister. Living with my Aunt Barbara and Uncle Hamid in Milton, On. I took a year off school and worked at a Rogers Video store. After a 6 months of this I left Milton and stayed with my Aunt Carol and Uncle Lloyd in Etobicoke."

Tragedy

"That February my life-long companion Flash was laid to rest. She was 13. Not a month later, my Aunt Barbara dies at the age of 50, due to complications (she suffered a ruptured blood vessel in her brain, and during her weakened state she developed a severe case of pneumonia).

This Poem was written by me in her memory:

I miss you auntie
With each passing day,
Our minds won't accept
That you've gone far away

But I know where you are
There's no pain, there's no fear
And i know in my heart
That you'll always be near

I know that you watch me
Please don't worry, i'm okay
Life just isn't the same
Without you here each day

You were always a fighter
Never one to give in
It was difficult to watch
A fight, you couldn't win

But I have to be strong
For my Ashley and my Bran
For my Ryan and my Hamid
My Elaine and my Gran

I love you so much
But the pain's still inside
On March 18th
A part of me died.



5 months later, my Uncle Lloyd passed away. Just before he died I was granted entry into College. My Aunt Carol and two cousins, Christopher and Shawn, informed him of this accomplishment and they told me he was proud. This meant a lot.

Later on, due to my insecurities and poor decisions i lied, cheated, and betrayed the woman I was in love with. I am coping with my loss, and I've learned from my mistakes...but I don't think i'll ever forgive myself for what I put her through. The last memories I have of her consist of teary eyes, heartache, and a final hug goodbye." ***sighs***

College Life

"Three years have gone by since I began my studies at Humber, and I've finally made it to the course I believe I was destined to take, Post-Production. In this three semester course, students work on the shot footage (hence the term Post). In our second semester, students break off into groups choosing a Major and a Minor. My choices are almost set in stone, i'm just debating what to Minor in. I will be Majoring in Post-Audio and at this point I believe i'll be minoring in SFX. After that, my plan is to move downtown into an apartment of my own. Hopefully landing a job in the field i'm studying in."

Relationships

"Currently have no girlfriend. I want it that way. I think it's unfair to ask someone to commit their time with me while I have my busiest school year ever coming up. I mean don't get me wrong, I still long for someone to confide everything to. Someone to be there through my ups and downs, and in turn someone i can be there for. I miss the affection, i miss the feeling of falling asleep beside that someone and waking up with them. Most of all, I just don't want to be alone."


to be continued...