Brand New, Great Lyrics

i am heaven sent,
don't you dare forget.
i am all you've ever wanted,
what all the other boys all promised.
sorry i told. i just needed you to know.
i think in decimals and dollars.
i am the cause to all your problems,
shelter from cold. we are never alone.
coordinate brain and mouth.
then ask me whats it like to have
myself so figured out.
i wish i knew..

i hope this song starts a craze.
the kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
the kind of song that makes people glad
to be where they are,
with whoever they're there with.
this is war.
every line is about,
who i don't wanna write about anymore.
hope you come down with something
they can't diagnose, don't have the cure for.
holding on to your grudge.
oh its so hard to have someone to love.
and keeping quiet is hard.
cuz you cant keep a secret
if it never was a secret to start.
at least pretend you didn't wanna get caught..

Oh, we're so c-c-c-c-c-controversial.
we are entirely smooth.
we admit to the truth,
we are the best at what we do.
and these are the words you wish you wrote down.
this is the way you wish your voice sounds,
handsome and smart.
oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body
that works harder than my heart.
and its all from watching tv,
and from speeding up my breathing.
wouldnt stop if i could.
oh it hurts to be this good.
you're holding on to your grudge.
oh it hurts to always have to be honest
with the one that you love.
oh, so let it go..

this is the grace that only we can bestow.
this is the price you pay for loss of control.
this is the break in the bend,
this is the closest of calls.
this is the reason your alone,
this is the rise and the fall.

__________________________


With one or two I get used to the room
We go slow when we first make our moves
By five or six bring you out to the car
Number nine with my head on the bar

And it's sad, but true
Out of cash and I.O.U's

I've got desperate desires and unadmirable plans
My tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent
Bring you back to the bar
Get you out of the cold
A sober, straight face gets you out of your clothes
And they're scared that we know
All the crimes they'll commit
Who they'll kiss before they get home

I will lie awake
Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you
Let you fall for every empty word I say

Barely conscious in the door where you stand
Your eyes are fighting sleep while your mouth makes its demands
You laugh at every word trying hard to be cute
I almost feel sorry for what I'm going to do
And your hair smells of smoke
Who will cast the first stone?
You can sin or spend the night all alone

Brass buttons on your coat hold the cold
In the shape of a heart that they cut out of stone
You're using all your looks that you've thrown from the start
If you let me have my way I swear I'll tear you apart
Cause it's all you can be
You're a drunk and you're scared
It's ladies night, all the girls drink for free

The Dream

Everyone has them, whether they choose to call them fantasies, goals, ideal situations....whatever they may be, everyone has them...and the only real difference between having them and wanting them is how determined you are to achieve them.

My dreams i feel are relatively realistic.

A Better paying Job
A Single bedroom apartment downtown
A New I-mac + needed software
A Larger tv (between 27" and 36")
A Puppy named Charlie or Benjiman (English Bulldog)

I am 22 years old now, 23 next month. I would like to have accomplished all of these by the age of 25. We'll see just how badly i want it.

- Josh

Wasted Words on Lowercases and Capitals

Yesterday my cousin Shawn asked me a question. At the time I wasn't paying close attention to what he was saying so I quickly responded, "What?" Before he could repeat what he originally said, I recited his question word for word. So MY question is....if we hear what people say, but think we didn't get all of it...why are we so quick to say "What?" Why don't we simply take a minute or two and try to remember it?

On another note, I took a stride out on the ice last night, first time i've laced up skates in twelve years. My feet were sore and my ankles wobbled...but it was an experience that words will find hard to describe. It did take me almost and hour and a half to remember how to sorta stop on skates, but there was progress. It's empowering the feeling you get playing your country's most famous sport, especially when you can do so with your family. Hopefully in time, I can skate relatively similar to my cousin Shawn.

- Josh

Description

Subtle winds drown nearby voices. Crisp is the air that dries my lips moisture. I'm all alone now, surrounded by many strangers. The streetcar makes the trip seem more enjoyable and different. Walking down street now my feet meet the steps of the grimey subway outlet, i swipe my card and get in line, a line spreading sideways along the platform. Seeking a seat to myself with no possibilities or probabilites that a stranger could sit with me. I drift away to the sounds of my ipod. My sleep seems empty, unfufilling, yet intoxicating. I now hunger for my blankets and pillows. The wait for the bus seems prolonged. Smokers lighting up in smoke-free areas....adding to my already pleasant journey home.

I get off the bus, walk down the street and up those very familiar steps. I'm home. Now I can sleep away my troubles, preparing for yet another day which will no doubt keep me busy.

- Josh

Time for change...

There are moments in life where you should drop what you're doing and move on. It has come to this point in my life where i am now faced with the options of the change that is needed. School has a year left on it and then it's the big world. Time to search for placement in my field.

The next steps...who knows? 1 Bedroom Apartment...a Dog...these are the luxuries of imagination. Making them a reality is now the challenge.

~ Josh

Just have a little faith

Cold lips whisper tales of your treachery. Hearts now confined to the chills of early winter. The still air becomes thin and difficult for you to breathe. The agonizing dreams overtake your imagination. All you see is the hurt and pain you've caused. The shadows of your existance all speak the same sentences, "You're destined to fail" they say. "You'll only make things worse if you choose not to let go.

"Now as I lay bedside and dormant, I wonder....are the whispers right? Is there any purpose to what I do next? Will it change or mean anything? It comes to this and you remind yourself that by not taking action, you allowed things like this to happen, you made them possible. So now, as you face the same relentless battle...do you crumble to the pain, like before? Or, do you face it head on and take whatever it can throw at you? I have to believe, I have to have faith. Without it, I have nothing.

~ Josh

Oh Doctor....

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted, but mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
Or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
For a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go, or a bus to come,
Or a plane to go. Or the mail to come, or the rain to go.
Or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow.
Or waiting around for a Yes or a No,
Or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Insight

I've been a winner, and I have been a loser. I have succeeded and I have failed. I have driven and flown...and I have crashed and fallen. I have grown strong yet remained weak. Dreams have come and gone, yet the nightmares stay the same. I have cheated and been cheated on. I have friends that out-number my enemies, yet I have enemies that out-strengthen my friends. I have hurt and been hurt. I have loved and been loved. I speak before I think and leap before I look, but somehow I always find myself landing on my feet with minimal damages.

Now, I ache when i'm awake seeking salvation when i sleep...but as i've said before the nightmares stay with me still. I wear the mask just to keep things "normal"....whatever that might be. Depression no longer describes my feelings, it has become me. I look to things hoping they'll get better...when really they just continue to get worse. With every ounce of hope i create... a pound of depair shadows it. Like razorwire, the more I struggle... the situation gets worse. This leads me to think that I should just give up trying to make things how I want them to be and just let nature take its course...whatever that may be.

Once I had a rare thing. Something difficult for most to find, but I found it. This thing gave me meaning...gave me purpose. It gave me motivation, it gave me strength...most importantly, it made me happy. However, like most, I didn't appreciate what I had found until I lost it. Now i'm left wondering if i'll ever find it again. I thought I knew where to look for it, but when I tried I found nothing. All I can do now is wait and hope, that one day when I look back to the place it had originally been found, it will be there... waiting for me.

~ Josh

Curiosity, Temptation, and Chance

When someone asks what Curiosity means, what do you tell them? Do you say that it is the drive for knowledge? Perhaps you describe it as eagarness to learn that which you do not understand. I'm sure some would think of the catch phrase, "curiosity killed the cat." I do.... now.

What about Temptation? Is it a desire that manifests stongly on the conscience, enticing you to boldly go or do what you shouldn't? This attraction to something, or someone, that seduces your mind into weighing thoughts that were once not feasible. Why do we do it? If we know that these feelings have led us down an unfortunate path once before, and then we approach the similar fork in the road...why do we give it any thought at all? It's like fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me...isn't it? If you constantly get something wrong and don't change it, then you like being wrong. However with curiosity, it's different. Some believe that life without curiosity, would be boring...and that is quite possible. Some believe that if you allow curiosity to get to you, then you leave yourself victim to the reprecussions your curiosity may possess.

What about Chance? If we live in a world without chance we rid ourselves of doubt. "I am going to do this, and as a result this will happen." Boom, simple and to the point. You did it cause you wanted to. Like a coin though, chance also has the other side. This leads me to think that if we allow chances to be taken in life, life will act as a randomizer throwing things at us without anticipation, spicing things up. Filling your life with surprise, whether it be good or bad. So after all that...what kind of person are you? Are you Ignorant or Curious? Are you easily Tempted or Aversive? Are you a Gambler or are you a Risk-free individual?

Just a thought,

~ Josh

Dreams

What if what we thought was real, was actually surreal, occuring in our sleep.

Some of us Humans wake up in the morning, some of us choose to sleep in. Some of us eat breakfast...some of us don't. Some of us go to work, some of us go to school, and some of us stay home all day.

At the end of our day, we sleep. Our bodies switch from active mode, to standby. We drift slowly drift into "subconsciousness"...deeper and deeper...into a pleasant sleep or perhaps a grim nightmare.

Here's my thought....what if our lives, and the events that occur are actually created while in a stasis of sleep. What if what we do daily is a dreamy fabrication from the recesses of our minds? Have you ever had a dream with someone you didn't know or never met? Why are they there? A complete stranger just pops out of your mind and gets placed inside your sleepy scenario. Have you ever had those re-occuring dreams? Situations continue to play in your mind as though your brain was stuck on repeat. Now have you ever felt like the days you have work and/or school are boring because they are so repetitive.

So why does it seem impossible to question whether or not we live our lifes awake or spend them in a permanent coma.

Things like family and friends, work and school. Cancer and death, health and birth. All fabricated by our minds. I don't know, I wouldn't say it's impossible.

Just a thought,

-Josh