A Storm's Brewing...

When you experience pain...or guilt, how do you express it? Do you stay dormant in your room, and block the rest of the world out? Board up the windows, lock the doors, grab your pillow and pray? I've tried that and i still hurt... There's a few things that can do it: the sight of a picture frame, or the reading of a note *sighs*. See, inside the room hurts just as much as outside in the storm, so what's the point?

Perhaps you flee to this tranquility due to fear. Fear that this could be something that could happen more frequently. Fear that you're not strong enough to face whatever it is that pains you and move forward, so you'll just let the storm sweep you away. I was scared, but later when i had realised the mistakes i made... i thought back to a quote from a movie (as i always seem to do). In this movie the man said, "I am not here because of the path that lies before me, but because of the path the lies behind me. Life is experience. To live to love, to hurt and be hurt, to cry to laugh, and eventually our experience stops... and we die. The thing is we have some say how that end comes to be.

These storms never improve. People might tell you that in time it gets better, but that's not true. It still hurts. The difference, and I believe the point they try to make is...with the more time that passes, the pain becomes less immediate. Something that JUST happend will likely have a strong effect on you compared to an accident that happend years ago.

Sometimes i don't even know what i'm writing, or why. I just know that sometimes it helps take my mind off of what has been lost to the storms. I cherish all i've had. I'm greatful for all fortunate things that have occured in my experiences in life...but i do regret the effort i put forth in trying to maintain them. How little it seems now. Maybe forgiveness is not the answer. I don't know what i want, except for some time. Once the storm finally passes, i'll try to rebuild, making things stronger... knowing that next time the storm could be worse.

- Josh